I'll Take The Tears
by Smickan
Summary: How is it now that I can tell you, I love you? How is it only now that it's too late? SmithyKerry songfic.


A/N: Couple of quotes are taken from the episode where Kerry is found at the hospital. The song is sung by A1, or Carolynne Good (Fame Academy 2). If you wanna listen to it – click the link in my profile :) I don't like this - but I think it's more to do with the fact that it's a Kerry!fic, and I don't like her ;)

**I'll Take The Tears**

_Don't speak_

_Seal your lips._

_Please don't say a word_

_Maybe I won't remember the words I have not heard_

_I see that you're in love_

_I know it's not with me._

_But I don't want the truth to haunt my memory._

All I wanted was a family, someone to say 'This is where you belong, Kerry, here with us. We'll forgive all your faults if you'll forgive ours.' That's what families do right? No. 'Cause they don't. They fall apart and they betray each other and they let you down. Every time, they let you down. I've had enough let downs in my life, I can't open myself up for another. Loving you would be the greatest prize…or the greatest hurt.

_It's never too late to relight the fire_

_It's never stopped burning for me._

_The flame, it never died inside of me_

_How is it now that I can tell you I love you_

_How is it only now that it's too late._

_What can I do? _

_The love that we had is torn in two._

_So you take the smiles from all of our years_

_I'll take the tears_

They say it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. I never expected it to hit me so fast, I finally work things out, and…you're gone. It's not like I expected you to wait; in fact, I thought you'd go long before you did. I don't blame you for finding someone new. You're better off without me. I'm damaged goods, Gabriel proved that often enough.

_I sit and reminisce of times that we once shared._

_You gave me more than love_

_But never thought I cared._

_My feelings were all for you._

_Although it didn't show._

_I only told you on the day you left me to go_

When Luke left, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let anyone hurt me like he did. I kept pushing people away, not just you, my friends and family too. I thought I could do it, I didn't think I needed anyone else. I avoided the very person I needed most. I avoided you.

If only I'd let you in, let you help me, things could be so different now. It could be me in your arms, me you come home to, me carrying your child. Instead I'm alone, just as I deserve. I've no one to blame but myself.

_It's never too late to relight the fire_

_It's never stopped burning for me._

_The flame, it never died inside of me_

_How is it now that I can tell you I love you_

_How is it only now that it's too late._

_What can I do? _

_The love that we had is torn in two._

_So you take the smiles from all of our years_

_I'll take the tears_

I did love Cameron, but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was my safety net, that I could always fall back on him for everything and he'd just sort it. He was everything I needed, and still not enough. He wasn't you.

Everything I did, no matter how many times I sent you away, you just came back for more. No matter what I did to you, even after Gabriel. You can only push a person so far until you can't hurt them no more. Gabriel crossed that line long since before. I threatened him, I even tried to hurt him twice…but he still had that hold, he still treated me like a puppet, and the truth is I was. He could play me anyway he wanted, and I just did it. The rape was only the start…

_Now I realize that you're no longer mine._

_But I'm hoping that the pain will ease in time._

_Although you're leaving, I won't say goodbye._

_Because I know you're here with me inside._

_How is it now that I can tell you I love you_

_How is it only now that it's too late._

_What can I do? _

_The love that we had is torn in two._

_So you take the smiles from all of our years_

_I'll take the tears._

I hope you're happy now. You deserve nothing but the best. Please don't ever let anyone put you down or stop you from achieving what you want to. You're a special person, and I hope Charlie realises how lucky she is. I'll always love you. Even though it's too late.


End file.
